January 23rd, 2008

firefly sing

Go Go Power Writer!!

 autumnluv, you ROCK!!


This was printed in Letters to the Editor

Dear UNO,

I became aware, during my last semester, that you have no idea what’s

going on in the world around you. You seem to be completely unaware that

we live in one of the fattest states in the US. I realize, of course, that you’re

busy trying come up with new and creative phrases to describe just one more

way to extract money from the students, like the Fuel Recovery Charge (so

glad to have one more person to buy gas for) and the Academic Excellence

Fee (*phew* I am so glad that I’m paying another $75 to ensure that my edu

has been upgraded to “Excellent” as opposed to before when it was

“Yeah, I really just don’t care”). I digress...


Upon entering the Mathematics building (you know, the one without the

elevator) this morning, it was pressed on me the severity of how much you

think of the majority of the state. In every classroom I passed were desks that

belonged in a Jr. High school. Small, little wooden things with a back that

bends backwards and desktops and chairs are attached by what I can assume

is an arm rest (how considerate). Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate your sin

efforts to accommodate the one fat person per classroom cap by providing

that table at the front of the room shoved close to the wall. I’m thinking

that maybe you all have made a mistake though, because in my class this

morning there were two fat people. Unfortunately, I got there late so I missed

out on the prime spot in the dunce chair at the front.

I understand the plight of the university in this matter. You have SO many

types of people to cater to and it’s hard to get to all of us. I’m not asking for

personal recliners and a big screen, by any means. I just want to know where

the love is for the fat bottomed girls. Desks become experiments in torture

at this university. Yes, yes, you offer services at the gym to solve the problem,

but do you really want to tell an angry fat woman that rather than put

something useable (like lab tables) in the classrooms, she should just lose

some weight? I don’t think you do. I could sit on you. Seriously, I would hurt

something.

Please take some time and consider the students of our caliber who aren’t

reclusive and unwilling to stay in the dark recesses of our homes, where

we’ve been imprisoned by society. Put some money (NO! Not that!!!) into

your school and attract students of all kinds. I’m not 18. I was not a cheerleader

and I’m quite sure that there are more than just myself and that guy I

was in class with this morning who would appreciate it.

Thank you in advance,

Anonymous Fat Girl


Are you gonna take me home tonight

Ah down beside that red firelight

Are you gonna let it all hang out

Fat bottomed girls

You make the rockin world go round

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