August 6th, 2007

Pet Rules


To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.

Dear Dogs and Cats,
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The
other dishes are mine and contain my food.  Please note, placing a paw
print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it
becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing
in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
Beating me to the bottom is not the object.  Tripping me doesn't help
because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed.  I am very sorry
about this.  Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to
ensure your comfort.  Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball
when they sleep.  It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each
other stretched out to the fullest extent possible.  I also know that
sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other
end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom.  If
by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it
is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get
your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open.  I must exit
through the same door I entered.  Also, I have been using the bathroom
for years --canine or feline attendance is not required.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's
butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on
our front door:

To All  Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here.  You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the
furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'niture.
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal.  To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter
who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3 Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and...
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

(no subject)

Sun Sign: Pisces
Sun 10° Pisces 19'
Pisces Horoscope
for today »
Moon Sign: Libra
Moon 8° Libra 42'
Libra Horoscope
for today »
Rising Sign: Leo
Ascendant 2° Leo 23'
Leo Horoscope
for today »

Your Sun Sign: Pisces Sun 10° Pisces 19' What's a sun sign?

Key Planet:

Fish appear to be individuals, but have you ever seen a school of them swimming together? They act as one. Each is part of a greater whole. And you Pisces Fish are more aware of your interdependency than any other sign. It's as if you live in an ocean and the spirit that flows through you is like the one ocean that flows through all fishes. The symbol of the Fish is also the symbol of Christianity, the predominant religion during the past two thousand years -- also known to astrologers as the "Age of Pisces."

Motto: "Reality is just a shared illusion."
Greatest Strength: Your compassion for those in need
Possible Weakness: Confusion can put you at a disadvantage

Your Moon Sign: Libra Moon 8° Libra 42' What's a moon sign?

The Moon in a mental air sign like Libra tends to bring objectivity to the mysterious world of emotions. This can give you a clarity about feelings that keeps you from getting swallowed up in them… but it can also make it harder to tune into your own needs. You're so conditioned to making others feel at ease that you may not deal with what's going on inside of yourself, especially if you can't put it into words. The peace and harmony that you desire is very positive as long as you're not stifling yourself to achieve it. Fairness is not just something you give to others… it's something that you need for yourself to have the kind of relationships that you want.

Motto: "I'll compromise my needs to fulfill yours."
Greatest Strength: Being objective about your emotions
Possible Weakness: Avoiding emotional commitment

Your Rising Sign: Leo Ascendant 2° Leo 23' What's a rising sign?

When you enter a room everyone notices. Leo Rising is like a spotlight that seems to follow you wherever you go. Fortunately, you're up to it since you tend to be outgoing, a natural performer who shines brightly when others are around. You tend to come across as confident and outgoing, which often puts you in a position of leadership. Keeping an upbeat appearance, though, can be tiring at times. When you're not feeling chipper you can still feel like you've got to be your usually enthusiastic self. It's as if you have to put on a show instead of showing your true feelings. So, if you're down a little, you might want to hide that from others or just avoid people entirely.

Motto: "If you've got it, flaunt it."
Greatest Strength: Your ability to light up a room
Possible Weakness: Difficulty asking for help

Your Chinese Sign: The Dragon


Mantra: Good luck runs my life.

The Dragon believes she is the ruler of the world. Self confident, very intelligent and talented -- most everything a Dragon attempts turns out great. Even when Dragons fail, they are rarely blamed, as their inspiration and enthusiasm evoke love and admiration. A Dragon's view of other people is not always the best, however. The Dragon can lack patience and be intolerant of the opinions of others if they don't agree with hers.